Aaron Likes Popcorn: The Non-Football Super Bowl Rap-Up Presented by Doritos

We all saw the game and of course, it was amazing. But the extent of my actual game analysis stops with "that's the Peyton Manning we all remember from just a few years ago".

What needs to be discussed is everything else, without any copy editing.

Pregame

Hanging with Obama, the Super Bowl pregame song? Can anyone explain to me how/why Jay-Z has become an American icon? This is what a decade of rapping about crack and money gets you? I enjoy his music as much as the next jerk blogger, but I sometimes wonder if there's anything to those crazy Illuminati rumors.

Jay wasn't the only family-friendly hip hopper in attendance, Queen Latifah sang America the Beautiful before kickoff. 17 years is a long time.

The Commercials

I'm not going to name my top five commercials or review each and every one. However, there a few things that need to be discussed.

CBS refused to air an ad for a gay-dating site, then made even the straightest of men wish they would have just played it, instead of showing pasty overweight men running around in tighty-whiteys. In case you don't remember...

I am 100% sure the gay ad would've featured dudes easier on the eyes (mega-pause? are we still saying 'pause'?) and they'd probably be wearing clothes, or at least boxer briefs.

Beyond deading the gay ad, CBS went to great lengths to promote their pro-hetero, nuclear family agenda by suggesting that using women's soap and being completely disrespected in your marriage is perfectly fine, as long as these products are involved:

And, how bout some black-on-black violence with a side of anti-abortion? Mmmmmmmmm...

Halftime

Guess who I learned aren't Who fans? Young people and black people! Shocking, right? Unfortunately, those two parties make up the bulk of my social media feeds so I got to read complaint after complaint about the selection. Wasn't The Who announced months ago? Were these people expecting Rihanna to pop up from below the floor and dropkick the band off the stage? Dressed like this? Cause I doubt they would've been able to keep that a secret.

At least a huge number of my Facebook friends finally got to see the face of the CSI: Miami theme song:

But yeah, I don't know anything about The Who either, so... moving on.

Postgame

Wasn't it so cute how Super Bowl MVP Drew Brees had his infant child on the field with those teeny-tiny headphones to block the noise? Remember thinking "that's what sports is all about... wait... Drew Brees' kid looks a lot like Peyton Manning". Well, I remember thinking it.

Also remember hoping for a shot of Kim Kardashian every time Reggie Bush touched the ball? I don't think we ever saw her in the luxury box, but she made sure she got in her camera time, and boy did she ever: